Snake's On A What?
by Twilight Scribe
Summary: I did the scene with Ocelot pretty much verbatim, except all the quotes that seem ridiculously out of place? All from Snakes On A Plane.


AN: Another piece written by Blackmoon. I keep saying the lad should get his own account, but he won't hear of it... Oh yes, like Blackmoon said in the summary: the quotes that are obviously not MGS-esque are from SoaP. Now, it's showtime!

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"Ready to go, Snake?"

Eva fired up the engines of the WIG. They roared and rumbled as the so-called 'state of the art ground effect vehicle' began to take off across the water.

"Are you OK? Snake?"

Snake came back to reality at the sound of Eva's voice. "Yeah," he sighed as the wind started to blow through the open door, rustling his BDU's. He reached up and pulled the hatch down, and shared a smirk with the blonde bombshell in the driver's seat. Figuring the mission was over at last, he removed his equipment belt and dropped it on the floor.

"I told you you could trust me," she cooed.

But suddenly, there was a load bang, and the entire craft shook and yawed to one side, dipping into the water. From outside the craft, a familiar voice shouted, "Snake!"

Snake recognized that voice. With shock, he ran to the window, and saw his old pal. "Ocelot!" The Spetsnaz soldier was riding one of the top-secret Russian hovercraft- likely stolen.

"We're not done yet! Everybody strap in- I'm about to open some f$&ing windows."

"What did he just say?"

Snake shrugged in confusion at Eva's question, and Ocelot rammed the side of the WIG, breaking the hatch off and leaping in. The hovercraft tumbled off into the distance as Ocelot reached down and grabbed Snake's utility belt, tossing it off the vehicle as well. The fight had become hand-to-hand.

It had also become quite brutal; Ocelot countered Snake's CQC with such uncouth tactics as headbutting. As the two struggled across the cabin of the ship, Eva shouted out, "We're too heavy!"

Neither heard her- Ocelot didn't really care, and Snake was currently getting his face pounded in. Ocelot crouched on top of him, throwing repetitive punches at Snake's face, punctuation each blow with the phrase, "I have _had_ it with this **motherf$&ing** Snake on this **motherf$ing** WIG!"

"Wait, wait!" called Eva from the front, "What the hell did you just say?!"

"I _said_-" started Ocelot, when Snake kicked him off into the back of one of the chairs, and rolled away towards the back of the WIG. Something seemed to come over him, and he crouched down into a lower CQC stance.

The fighting continued, even more intense, with neither fighter getting an edge over the other. Eventually, they pulled apart, and Ocelot, cocky as usual, called out, "I've picked up a few new moves!"

He reached to his belt and removed his favorite revolver. "It doesn't feel right to shoot an unarmed man... but I'll get over it."

"Eva!" shouted Snake, and she responded by reaching down and tossing a small box to him. He caught it, and opened it, seeing nothing but plastic fork-spoon hybrids. Ocelot and Snake's reaction was simultaneous-

"Sporks?"

Ocelot stared at Snake, who looked quite ridiculous clutching the white plastic spork in one hand like a deadly weapon, and loaded a single bullet into a chamber of his revolver.

"What do you say to one last showdown?"

"...all right." Snake tossed the spork over his shoulder and out of the WIG. "I don't know what I was thinking with that anyway."

Ocelot pulled another revolver from his belt, and held both out in front; he began twirling them, tossing them in the air, even mixing them up behind his back, then placed them on the ground, side-by-side.

"What's your name?"

"Snake."

"No, not THAT name. We're men with names. My name is Adamska. What's yours?"

"...John."

"Very well, John... Plain name, but I won't forget it. C'mon!"

Naturally, when they both fired at one another, the bullet turned out to be a dud... that's just the way these kinds of things go down.

"It was a blank! That was fun."

Snake started to hand his revolver back to Ocelot, but Ocelot refused it and gave his customary salute.

"All praises to the PlayStation, John!" he shouted, then leapt out of the WIG into the lake.

"Who's your daddy now, bitch!?" Snake shouted after him.

"Snake!" called Eva. "What got into you?!"

Snake paused a moment, as though waking from a dream. "...I dunno, I guess I just got swept up in the moment."

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End file.
